


Porcelain Protector.

by motionlessinmymind



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-10 23:11:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5604505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motionlessinmymind/pseuds/motionlessinmymind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And sometimes, when it was late at night, and everyone was asleep, that little angel seemed to be a little more alive. <br/>It felt like those blue eyes are more than staring glass, but warm and watchful. <br/>Instead of a little cold trinket, it seemed like my very own porcelain protector.<br/>And maybe, just maybe, the little blue eyed boy reminded me of my little angel</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue.

_I know i’m not really supposed to be scared, and I haven’t been in a long time, but I am._

_I don’t remember waking up, but I think there is something wrong._  

_That mean dog is barking from down the street, but the trees sound like the creaky stairs at uncle Bobby’s._

_My night light, the cowboy one I got for Christmas, it’s flickering. It’s too new for that, right? It’s freaky, and i’m scared._

_Now I can hear Sammy crying, but I know that it’s against the rules to get out of bed past bedtime._

_I look up at the angel on the shelf, I don’t really know why, but it always makes me makes me feel a little safe._

_Maybe it’s cause i’m still tired, but my little angel looks alive again._

_He's looking at me, I think, watching over me. That’s what mommy said he would do._

_Maybe he knows something's wrong._

_Wait, is mommy screaming? I need to go see what's wrong._

_But I can’t move. Why can’t I move? What’s wrong with me?_  

_I hear daddy coming, maybe he can help me._

_I look up at the angel, and it has a hand turned out to me. What’s going on?_

_Everything is quiet, and I still can’t move, and i’m confused and scared, and I don’t know what’s happening._

_There’s a loud noise, like an angry lion, and daddy is yelling, and I can move again._

_I look back to the angel, but it doesn’t look alive anymore. I run to the door and see daddy holding Sam, and his room is on fire._

_I panic, calling him, and he hands me a crying Sammy. He says, “Take your brother outside as fast as you can. Don’t look back! Now Dean, go!”_  

_I ran through the house even though everything looked scarier. I looked down at my brother and said, “It’s okay Sammy.” I looked back up  to my room, wishing I could’ve saved my little angel. Dad came outside and picked us up and kept running._

 

 

I woke up from that stupid nightmare again, sweating. I looked over and mom was right there next to me, holding a glass a milk, just like every other time I had a bad dream. She says that she always knows, ‘it’s a mom thing, sweetie,’ but I think that I might scream in my sleep and wake her up. I feel bad, so I give her a hug.

“Is it the dream again, honey?”

I just nodded, because I was a still a little sad about it, and I think talking about it makes her sad too. 

I know i’m not supposed to be sad, cause it’s Christmas Eve, and mommy and daddy even said that they have a really special surprise for me this year. I just wish that the dreams would go away.

Mommy looked at me for a long time.

“Wait here, okay pumpkin? I know we’re not supposed to open presents early, but technically it’s Christmas, so hopefully your father won’t be too upset. Stay here, though, it would be just mean to ruin that first look you get. I’ll be right back.”

I sat there in the dark for a while, until she came back with the shiniest box I've ever seen. 

She sits down on the other side with it and pats the bed next to her. I don’t think I could crawl over there fast enough. She turned on the lamp next to us and handed me the present.

“Merry Christmas, Dean.”

I opened the the box and I touched something cold, but it made me feel warm and fuzzy, even though I would never say it out loud. I picked it up out of the box, and it was a little boy, with really really bright blue eyes and black wings.

“Mom, you guys got me a doll? Seriously? Do you guys think i'm some kind of sissy?" She started laughing at me, even though it totally wasn’t funny, and I crossed my arms so she knew how serious I was.

“Baby boy, it’s not just some doll, it’s an angel. It will watch over you. Who knows? He may even keep the bad dreams go away.”  She gave me a big hug, probably to make me uncross my arms and stop pouting, and she put the little angel up on my shelf.

I started getting really sleepy again, so I went back to lay down. I said thank you so her feelings didn’t get hurt, and I started falling asleep to that song mommy always sings me to sleep with.

_“..don’t be sad, take a sad song, and make it better. Remember to let it into your heart, then you can start, to make it better…”_

 

 

 

The next time I woke up, my eyes were all crusty, and my room way way too bright. I almost forgot it was snowing until I looked out the window, because my room was really warm. I don’t know why, I didn’t even have my warm pj’s on.

It only took the sleepiness to go away until I had a heart attack, because, dude, it’s Christmas! That means presents and mom’s apple pie. I don’t know which is better.

I ran down the hall to mom and dad’s room and jumped on their bed, landing right on top of them for good measure. 

“Wake up guys, wake up! It’s Christmas guys, it’s Christmas! Come on, man, get up already you guys!” I jumped up and down on the bed until they finally started to wake up.

“Good morning honey, Merry Christmas.” 

“Hey buddy, be careful with your mom, she’s-”

“Ready to make her boys some pancakes, _isn’t that right,_ John?"

“Yeah, of course dear, but I think that if we don’t do presents first, this Dean might explode.”

I took that as my chance to run out to the living room, but dad grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder.

“Not so fast, dude.” I knew that I was defeated, and I couldn’t escape. I just laid there, being carried from the living room. But it was so worth it.

There was stuff _everywhere._ Boxes of every size, shape, and color, and within an hour, they were all torn through by yours truly. I even got a cowboy night light. I then remembered the special surprise, and asked daddy about it while mommy was in the kitchen making pancakes.

He called her out and they came and sat me down next to a big pile of wrapping paper.

“Dean honey, we have something important to tell you.” They both looked at each other, and mom held her tummy, and she looked like she was going to cry, and I was very very confused.

“Dean, you’re gonna be a big brother.”

 

 

 

. . .

  
  


When mom said that everything was gonna be different, it was true. 

She was a little crazy all the time, for a while.

Then, Sammy was born, and I am pretty sure that was the best day ever.

He may have been smelly and messy, and he cried a whole lot, but I was a big brother and I had someone to watch over.

I think I learned that from my little angel, the one I got for Christmas.

I told mom and dad that my favorite present was my night light, but I kinda think the angel is magic.

The bad dreams went away, just like mommy said they would.

I always felt a little safer in my room, and I never felt alone.

Sometimes, I would get hurt, even though I totally didn’t cry, cause crying is for sissies, I looked at the angel, and it didn’t even hurt anymore. It was all better. Like in a movie.

I even talked to it sometimes, and it never talked back, but I always kinda knew he could hear me.

Sometimes I forgot he was even fake, a doll, cause sometimes he looks so real.

Mom just said it was my imagination, and she usually knew what she was talking about.

But they are both gone now, mommy and my little angel, because my bad dream came true, and daddy didn’t have to tell me. I knew.

The noises were hurting my ears, and I didn’t know what was happening, and I was scared, but I knew I wasn’t allowed to be.

I didn’t have my little angel to protect me anymore, and I needed to be brave.

I knew everything was going to change again, but I needed to stop being scared so I can be a big brother and take care of Sammy.

It didn’t stop me wishing that I could’ve saved the little angel, or that the little angel would’ve saved me from this nightmare just _one more time._


	2. First Christmas.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it is the first Christmas after things start changing.

I don’t think I like this new kind of different very much.

We are staying at uncle Bobby’s now, and daddy is always gone. And when he’s here, he’s not very nice. He is either really mad or really sad and he always talks funny. I don’t like it.

It’s Christmas Eve, but it doesn’t feel the same as last year. Not even close. Mom is gone and we’re not home, and daddy isn’t even here.

Uncle Bobby won’t tell me where he goes, and it’s totally unfair. I tried to ask him last time I got the phone, but he just promised he would be home soon.

When Bobby got the phone back, there was lots of yelling, so I just went to play with Sammy.

Soon, the pizza man got here, and i’m a little less excited than I should be. It’s just that we have pizza  _ a whole lot,  _  and I didn’t think it was possible, but i’m kinda starting to not like it as much.

I was supposed to be happy though, because tomorrow is Christmas, and tomorrow is Sammy’s  _ very first Christmas.  _

I just can’t help but be sad. 

When Uncle Bobby said it was bedtime, I started to feel a little sick. 

The bad dreams came back, and they are even scarier now, if that’s even humanly possible. 

Everything is more real, cause I can feel how it actually happened again. 

And without mommy here to make me feel better, I just have it over and over again.

I tried to take super long doing everything before bed, but I think Bobby caught on and he isn’t having it.

Before I even know it, we’re already in bed, and i’m fixing the pillows so sammy doesn’t fall off cause we don’t have an actual crib yet.

Our room is a little scary at night. Maybe that’s because it just doesn’t feel like home.

I would pick laying awake in this scary room any night instead of falling asleep, but as always, I just  _ couldn’t  _ help it.

  
  


When I woke up, the first thing I heard was a loud crash.

I got scared for a second because I thought it was sammy, but he was still sleeping.

It was really cold, and all I had to sleep in was one of Bobby’s old concert shirts, but I didn’t really care.

I made sure he was tucked in so tight he couldn’t move, then I went to see what the loud noise was. 

It sounded like it was coming from downstairs, but the study was empty. 

Then, there were more noises and even yelling coming from the kitchen.

When I walked into the kitchen, I didn’t really know what to do.

Bobby, and  _ dad _ were in the kitchen, and they were both wearing  _ aprons _ , like mommy used to wear. And there was a  _ huge mess.  _ I think there were even eggs on the wall.  _ Gross. _

Even though dad was covered in white goo, I ran up and hugged him, because not to sound like a sissy or anything, but I missed him.

“Hey buddy, long time no see.”

“Don’t you be joking about not seeing your kids, John Winchester, it’s not a damn joke.”

“Right. Hey Dean, Merry Christmas, buddy. I’ve missed you kid. Where’s Sammy?”

“He’s upstairs sleeping. What are you doing here? And what are you guys doing, anyways?”

“Uh, we were trying to make breakfast it isn’t going too well, so why don’t we head over to Phillips Ave?”

“Wow, John. First smart thing i’ve heard out of your mouth all morning. I’ll go get Sam. And hey, Merry Christmas, boy.”

I tried not to ask a bunch of questions,  _ honest, _ but I couldn’t help it.

“Daddy, where have you  _ been _ ? You’ve been gone  _ forever. _ Why can’t we come with you? We will be good, I pinky promise. And those are  _ serious.” _

“Hey hey hey, calm down son. We’ll talk about this later. First, let’s go grab a bite.”

We all loaded into the car and listened to dad’s tapes the whole way there.

Dad said that we could order  _ whatever  _ we want, so I ordered a whole lot.

Pancakes, eggs, sausage, bacon,  _ pie,  _ and I even got a root beer float.

Today may not be so bad, after all. 

When we all finished our food, or in my case, had a wicked tummy ache, we all went back to uncle Bobby’s and did something I almost forgot about.  _ Presents. _

It wasn’t like last year, everything shiny and stuff, but there was still stuff to open, so i’m pretty excited.

There was even stuff for Sammy.

He mostly got baby stuff, clothes and toys.

I got some movies, and even some of my dad’s tapes.

Then, he went out to the car and came back with a big box.

It wasn’t wrapped, but I didn’t even care.

The second I opened it, I got really confused. It was my stuff.

I looked up at my dad, and he looked sad.

“This was stuff from your room. God knows how, but your room wasn’t even touched by the fire. Only the outside of the door. Not one thing inside was burned. I could’ve sworn I saw flames in there. But this was part of the stuff they gave us back from the fire, so I picked up some things you might want. I even got your night from last year.”

I started looking through the boxes, and I found stuff like my warm pj’s and my blanket from grandma Campbell and wait, the next thing I dragged out of the box was something I didn’t even  _ remember  _ I missed. The angel mommy gave me for Christmas last year.

My little angel.

I tried not to look so excited, over a  _ doll, _ but I went over and hugged daddy, because it was pretty  _ awesome.  _

He told me to take Sam back to our room so that him and uncle Bobby could talk.

I put Sam on the floor with some of his new toys, then went back to sit on the stairs.

“You can’t be serious, John. You’re leaving already? What are the boys gonna think? What are you gonna tell them? Or wait, let me guess. You won’t tell them a damn thing, you’re just gonna leave without a goodbye like last time and leave the questions to me. Sam may not be old enough to understand, but Dean is. He knows you’re leaving and he wants to know where his daddy’s going. What am I supposed to tell him? Yeah, your old man is going on a hunting trip basically chasing his own tail because he hasn’t got a goddamn lead, and he’s just putting himself in danger. You don’t know what you’re doing, John. You’re gonna end up getting yourself killed. Then what? Your kids won’t have parents, and I don’t know a damn thing about raising kids. I love them and all, John, but you can’t leave raising  _ your _ boys to  _ me.  _ Hell, we’ve been living off of cereal and pizza since you left. And I don’t exactly know what to do with a baby, or how to keep Dean busy. You can’t just leave your kids here while you go running off in grief seeking revenge on something you know nothing about, John. It isn’t fair. Not to them, not to me, not to anyone. Even you gotta know that.”

“If me leaving the kids here is such a burden, then I will just have to take them with me. And you can’t say a damn thing about my parenting, because you don’t know what it’s like.”

“Oh, I don’t know what  _ what’s  _ like, Winchester? Losing your  _ wife?  _ Yeah, been there. Done that. Sorry it isn’t exactly the same, because we didn’t have kids yet, but if it makes you feel better, the last time I talked to my wife, we were arguing about having them. So, close enough, right? You weren’t arguing with her, were you? Before you lost her? No, you both were just as lovey and happy as usual. So I don’t want to hear it.”

“Big difference between Mary and Karen, Bobby, something killed my wife. We both know exactly what killed yours. You did.”

“Get out.”

“Look Bob, I’m sorry, I didn’t m-”

“Get out of my house. Right now. But I suggest you leave your kids, because now I realize that even this old coot can take care of them better than you. You’re not the same, John.”

“No, you know what, i’ll leave. And i’m taking the boys with me. We’re gonna be a family.”

“You’re making a mistake. Living on the road, while you probably leave them alone while you’re out trying to get yourself killed. But you’re right about one thing. I can’t exactly tell you how to parent your children. So do whatever you think is right, but make sure that’s what you’re actually doing. What’s right.”

Uncle Bobby walked away, and daddy started to walk through the stairs so I ran back to my room as fast as I could.

Sammy was crying, so I went and picked up and tried to calm him down. 

Dad walked in the room and sat down on the bed with his face in his hands. He looked sad again.

“Come here, boys.”

I sat on his lap with Sam and he just hugged us for a long time. It felt like forever, but I didn’t want to be mean so I didn’t push away.

“I know i’ve been gone a lot the past month month or so, but I am giving you the choice now, Dean. Do you want to stay here, or do you want to come with me? Now, know that if you come with me, we’re going to travel a lot, and you are probably going to have to look after your brother while I take care of things. But at least we will be together. Sort of.”

“I want to go with you, daddy. Take us with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes dad. I want to go with you.

“Alright, boys, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I really don't know where i'm going with this.  
> I have some questions, if you don't mind.  
> Since you are the one reading this, I think it is fair for you to make some decisions.  
> Should I time skip to different ages / points in time, or should I keep it linear and show aging gradually?  
> Should this be some sort of AU? If so, what kind?  
> Should I introduce Cas soon, or wait?  
> Should I have the boys visit Bobby's occasionally, or have them stick with John?  
> Are their any other elements or bits you would want to be included?  
> Honestly, if you tell me, chances are, i'll try to make it happen.


	3. Blue?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dean is unsure about his favorite color, and important talks are had over ice cream.

This room smells funny. Why do the rooms always smell funny?

The room smells funny and the tv is always fuzzy and I’m not really good at using the microwave, I don’t think.

Everything usually smells burnt or has cold spots.

Watching Sammy all the time is getting boring, too.

I love the kid, but he drools _a_ _whole lot._ And he smells pretty gnarly a lot of the time.

But at least he has been crawling a lot. That means I don’t have to carry him all the time. He keeps pretty busy. That means more tv time for me.

I think I'm gonna do something way more fun today.

Dad has been gone for almost a week, but he called to tell me happy birthday.

He also said he might not come back today.

I was sad at first, but then I decided that I am _five years old_ now.

I think that means I can go to the park with Sammy all by myself.

I packed my bag with a whole lot of sammy’s toys, my blanket, and some food, and we finally unlocked the door and left.

I looked around, because I kinda felt like someone was just gonna jump out of the bush and yell at us, but nobody did.

I walked in the general direction that I thought I remembered seeing the park we passed on the way here, but it was taking forever, and Sammy was getting heavy.

I tried sitting on a bench and resting, but I got really bored so I decided to pick Sammy back up and keep going.

The cars passing me on the street were making me a little nervous so I walked to the other side of the trees, but as soon as I walked through, I could see a park.

I don’t think it’s the same park, but it’s a park so I don’t really care.

I can’t really see anyone there, so that’s even better. That just means that I don’t have to share the swings. And there is no icky mulch that hurts you when you jump off, so it’s even better.

Plus, everything is so _green,_ the grass and the trees and the plants, and green is my absolute _favorite color._

This park is like, perfect.

When I was setting up the blanket for Sammy to play on, I heard this really weird loud noise that _really_ hurt my ears.

When I looked up, there were two other boys in the park, and I think they were yelling at eachother.

One of them looked older than me and one of them looked as old as me.

I didn’t care that they were here, because there were four swings, so there are plenty even if we were all on one.

I couldn’t decide whether or not I wanted to ask them to play.

The older boy looked a little mean, but he had a candy bar. The smaller one, well he really looked like someone I know. I could’ve _sworn_ I've seen him before.

I couldn’t have, though, because I've never really had friends.

But maybe there’s a first time for everything, because they are both walking over here, and I think I am gonna have to talk to them.

“Hey kiddo, why are you out all by yourself?”

“Hey, I don’t need anyone to watch me anymore. I am _five years old_ now. Plus my daddy isn’t here anyways. So I brought Sammy here all by myself.”

“Hey, calm down, freckles. Chef don’t judge. But I'm pretty sure my little bro wants to play. You down?”

“I have a name. It’s _Dean._ ” Who does this guy think he is?

“Sorry, Deano, didn’t mean to offend. Well, I'm Gabriel. And this is my little brother, Castiel.”

“Castiel? That’s a little weird for a name.”

The boy, Castiel, looked really, _confused,_ until I said that, and now he looks sad. He kinda does the same thing Sam does when I stop him from climbing on stuff or putting stuff in his mouth. He is pouting, like a puppy, and now I feel _really_ bad.

“Weird is cool, though. What do you guys wanna do?”

“Wanna go on the swings?” That is the first thing the blue eyed boy said, and I already want to be friends.

“God, Cassie. Why are you such a little daffodil? The _swings? Really?_ Way to play it cool, bro.”

“Hey, the swings are my favorite. If you don’t like them, don’t come with us.”

“I’m surrounded by sissies.”

I think Sam was starting to feel ignored, because he started crying and slamming his fist down on the floor.  Before I could go over there, Gabriel was already sitting down on the blanket and picking him up.

“And who is this little snot monster? Sam, you said? _Hello there, little Samantha. Hello. How are you, tiny human?”_

Gabriel seemed way less scary baby talking and making faces at Sam.

“Sammy is a boy.”

“I know, kid. You’ll get it when you’re older.”

“Get what?”

“Hey, why don’t you two go place on the swings. I guess I can look after the little one. _If I must._ ”

Something about the way he was smiling like a dummy told me that he didn’t mind playing with Sammy that much.

I looked over at the other boy, Castiel, and he just looked confused again so I just walked over and hopped on one of the swings.

These swings were pretty great. They are the perfect height from the ground and they don’t hurt your hands and _they don’t even squeak._

They were totally _awesome._

But with no squeaky swing noises, it was a little awkward, so I looked over at the other boy.

His hair was really messy, but his clothes make him look like he just came from church or something. And I think he might have a staring problem. Is it mean to tell people that?

“Dean.”

“Yes, that’s my name. Don’t wear it out, dude.”

I expected him to laugh, but he looked really serious. Maybe he is older than I thought.”

“How old are you?”

“How ..old.. am I? Oh right, yes, um. I am also 5 years of age.” There is _no way._

“When’s your birthday?”

“I don’t have one. When is yours?”

“Today.” He stared even harder, which I didn’t think was possible.

“Really? Today is your birthday?”

“Uhuh.”

“Happy birthday, Dean.” I got this really weird warm fuzzy feeling, that kinda made me feel sick, so I took that as my chance to leap off of the swing.

Castiel followed right after me, all the way back to where Gabriel and Sam were in a heated block building session.

“Gabriel, today is Dean’s birthday.” He looked at his brother very seriously, but I'm starting to think that’s just his face.

“No kidding, dude! Seriously, where are your parents then? Aren’t they supposed to be spoiling you today?”

“I don’t know where my dad is, but he said he doesn’t know if he can come back today. But it’s okay, cause he said he is doing something really important. Work, he said.” I started to get kinda sad, but it didn’t last long.

“Right... Well, hey, you know what, dude? You’re hanging with us today.”

“I am?”

“Yeah man, starting with devouring all of this food you've got.”

We sat down and ate and talked about _everything._ We talked about movies and comics and cartoons and they are so _cool._

It was starting to get dark, and we were all sitting on the jungle gym, even Sammy.

“Hey kiddo, how about we go get you some ice cream, huh?”

“Really? You’d do that?”

“Yeah, totally dude. After all, it is your birthday and you seem pretty cool. Not to mention you got my little brother pretty excited.” Castiel started turning red, and I think this was the first time that he _wasn’t_ staring.

“Cool. Let’s go kiddies.”

We walked back through the trees, and crossed the street. There were a bunch of little shops and places, but Gabriel went inside one that had tables outside of it.

Inside, there were _so many_ flavours. I mean, seriously, they had to have every single one.

“Go on, go get something.”

Then old guy at the counter didn’t seem too happy that a bunch of kids were in his shop, but I didn’t let that ruin my mood.

“Come on Cassie, order.”

“Uh, can I please get, um, vanilla?” Is he serious?

“No way dude. He will have a double scoop of black jack cherry, and I will have pumpkin pie, please.” He looked more confused than usual.

“We’re gonna share. Those are my two favorites.”

“I will have some classic superman, and uh, some cookie dough for the little gremlin. Thanks.”

After we paid, we went and sat at one of the tables outside. The sun was setting, and the sky looked really pretty here.

“So, Deano, tell us about yourself.”

I told them about all of the stuff I liked, and all the stuff I've watched and read, and anything I could really think of.

“What’s your favorite color?” Castiel's eyes were so wide and he was smiling a little bit, and I was starting to feel sick again, but that’s probably from all of the ice cream. We have swapped like 10 times.

“Uh, blue I think.” I don’t really know when my favorite color became blue, or why I said that, but it kinda just made sense. He was smiling really big now, and I don’t know why, but that kinda made sense too.

After we finished our ice cream, and we decided Sam was just _too_ sticky, we decided to go back. Gabriel and Castiel walked us back.

“Alright, is this it? You guys are staying in a motel?”

“Yeah, our dad goes places a lot. That’s why he isn’t here now.”

“Cool, you guys travel? Us too. Maybe we will catch you guys again.”

“Thanks guys, later.”

“No problem, dude. _Bye bye little guy!”_

“Happy birthday again, Dean.” Maybe I ate too much today. My stomach feels really weird.

“Thanks Cas.” He started getting all red again and smiled really big, then just ran away.

He’s pretty strange, but he’s kinda cool.

I went inside and put sammy to bed, then fell asleep watching a movie on the couch.

It was really late when I woke up again, and I saw bright lights coming in through the window, and a door crash shut.

_Dad._

The door opened and my dad walked in. He looked really tired and he was bleeding a bit. His hands were behind his back, so he almost fell over when I ran to hug him.

“Dean. Hey, happy birthday son.”

“Thanks daddy. I thought you weren’t gonna be home.”

“I tried my best to make it home as fast as I can. And I brought you some stuff.”

He pulled out a box in one hand and a cupcake with a lit candle in the other.

“Here, open first, so you don’t get frosting on it.”

I opened up the box, and I was confused.”

“Do you know what this is?”

“What is it?”

“This is a walkman. Now you can listen to the cassettes I gave you.”

“Really? This is _so_ awesome. Thanks dad.”

He put the box down and gave me the cupcake.

“Here. I know that it isn’t exactly your mother’s homemade chocolate cake, but it’s something. Make a wish, buddy.”

I just wished he wouldn’t leave us all the time.

I wished we could just go back home and be a family.

I wish that none of this would have happened and we had mommy back and nothing would’ve changed.

I blew the candle out, and ate the cupcake while my dad sat me in bed and told me a story about vampires.

After he walked back out to the living room to sleep on the couch, I looked over and suddenly knew who Castiel reminded me of.

My little angel.

I reached passed him to turn my light out and thought about that until I fell asleep.

Maybe I even dreamed about it, I don’t really remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, uh, I don't really know.  
> The questions are still up to be answered.  
> Also, I forgot to ask, but should I do some stuff in Cas / third person point of view?  
> Also, I think i'm over trying to portray 5 year old Dean. I'm ready to move up age a little bit.  
> Should I?  
> I really don't know what i'm doing.


	4. Cowboys and Angels. But Not in the Country Way.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it was Sammy's first Halloween, and the first time dean feels at home in a while.

Turns out that going with dad was  _ not _ what I thought. 

I thought it would be like a road trip, like the one we went on with mom before Sammy was born.

Windows down, singing to daddy’s music together and stopping at motels and watching movies together on tv until we fell asleep.

This was  _ not even close. _

When we were in the car, everything was so  _ quiet. _

Then, we just got left in a room after I got a lecture and then dad just  _ left again. _

“I just, I have things I need to, Dean. You can’t come with me. Dammit boy, just stay here and look after your brother. It’s your job. Do you understand me? You will stay in this room, and not open or answer the door.  _ Ever.  _ You understand? I’ll be back soon and I will call when I can.”

_ Over and over. _

I am finally getting a break though, because I begged dad to take us to uncle Bobby’s for Halloween, so we can go trick-or-treating.

I even have a costume.

I’m gonna be a  _ cowboy.  _

Not to mention, it’s pretty much Sammy’s first Halloween. 

He is even walking now, so he can go get candy with me.

He is just going as a ghost, but it’s okay. 

We are almost there, but it feels like we’ve been in the car for  _ years. _

Dad keeps looking at me in the mirror, and I don’t think I like it all that much.   
“Dean, there’s something I need to talk to you about. I’m taking you guys back to Bobby’s for Halloween, but I think that you guys might need to stay there for a little bit. And I know son, you want to come with me, and it’s not that I don’t want you guys with me, it’s just not the best right now.  _ I’m so close.” _

“Close to what dad? I can help. I’m a big boy.  _ Please, _ just let me come with you. I  _ promise  _ we won’t get in the way.”

“This is not up for discussion. It’s final, Dean. I don’t want to hear another word.”

My eyes started to sting and my throat hurt, and I was  _ so angry,  _ so I picked up my little angel and went to sleep.

When I woke up again, the trunk was slamming and dad was carrying Sammy in the house.

I grabbed my bag and walked into my house and I went right to my room because I  _ did not _ want to see my dad at all. And obviously he didn’t want to see me either, because I heard the car start and ran to the window only to see him pulling away.

I almost got sad, until I remembered that tomorrow is  _ Halloween. _

“Hello to you too, boy. Listen, I know your daddy is knucklehead, but that’s no reason to sit up here and sulk. But I mean, if that’s what you really want to do, i’ll just be downstairs,  _ carving pumpkins…” _

_ “ _ Really? We’re carving pumpkins?”

“Oh, so now you wanna talk. But yes, so if you wanna help, you better get your sulky self downstairs.”

I don’t think I’ve ever ran down stairs so fast.

“Okay listen boys. Here. Draw what you want on your pumpkin, but don’t get too crazy. I’m not Van Gogh.”

“Who is he? Did he carve pumpkins?”

“No, but he did a number on his ear.”

I tried to help Sammy with his first, but he insisted on doing himself.

“No, nonono  _ no. Deeee hnnnn, no!” _

I wasn’t complaining, I was pretty excited about making my own. It was going to be pretty scary.

When Bobby started carving them, I realized it was pretty gross.

There were pumpkin guts  _ everywhere. _

They were pretty cool though. 

I even got to be the one to bring them outside.

It was kinda cold outside, and I sorta felt weird. It felt like someone was watching me. Not in a creepy way, like they were just there.

It’s probably just cause i’m tired though.

I could barely keep my eyes open when I went inside. I am really glad that Sammy can walk because I am  _ way  _ too tired to carry him. 

Even though I am really tired, I can’t help but stay awake and talk to my little angel.

I wait until Sammy is asleep, and talk to him about everything and anything. 

How excited I am for tomorrow, how proud I am of the pumpkins, how  _ mad  _ I am at dad, anything I can think of until I fall asleep. I think I even told him he reminded me of Castiel.

  
  
  


And, I think I smell bacon.

Can that really be bacon?

Bobby doesn’t know how to actually make breakfast, does he?   
I made sure Sam was still asleep and went downstairs.

Bobby was in that apron again, the one from Christmas, but the kitchen was surprisingly,  _ not a disaster area? _

Everything smelled  _ so  _ good, and there wasn’t just bacon. There were pancakes and waffles and eggs and even a bowl of baked pumpkin seeds. 

Since when when did Bobby know how to make food?

“What? I got a book.”

“Dude. This looks  _ awesome. _ ”

“Oh hush, boy. Just go get your brother. We’re having breakfast, then a scary movie marathon.”

I think it was the first time things felt like  _ home  _ in a while. We all ate breakfast on the couch and started with the copy of Exorcist I got for Christmas.

Sammy didn’t really like the movies that much, and eventually he was just sleeping through most of them.

Bobby got a phone call and has been in the study for a while, but I don’t mind.

This is nice.

Eventually, I started bouncing on the couch because I was so excited for candy.

Eventually Bobby told me to go get changed and go help Sam, then we could leave.

I’m an actual  _ cowboy.  _ This has to be the coolest thing ever.

If mom could see me now, she would be  _ so  _ proud.

As much as I hate to admit it, Sammy looks pretty adorable.

He is walking around in his little ghost costume, walking into walls and saying his new favorite word.

“ _ Boooo. Boo boo boo boooooo.” _

Cute at first, but now just really annoying. 

“Alright, don’t go too far, don’t be causing any trouble, and keep an eye on your brother, you hear?”

“ _ Yes, Bobby.  _

“Good, now scram. 

It was still a little light outside, but when we got to the street, there were a lot of kids out, so I guess it’s okay.

Before I could even get to the first house, I see an oddly familiar pair of boys. A genie and, an  _ angel? _

Sammy dropped his pillowcase and ran towards the genie as fast as his chubby little legs could carry him.

“ _ Booooo! Boo booooo boo boo booo!”  _ He ran straight into Gabriel’s arms, and gabriel picked him up and swung him around.

“Hey, Samantha, is that really you kiddo?  _ You’ve gotten so big, little man!” _

I just stood there looking at Castiel, because, well, this whole time he reminded me of my little angel, but now he  _ was  _ him. Black wings and all. I couldn’t  _ believe  _ my eyes.

Did I tell him about the angel?

No, I don’t tell anyone about my angel.

“Dean.”

“Cas? Is that you?”

“Hello, Dean. You’re a cowboy?”

“And, you’re an angel.” He looked scared for a second, but then Gabriel patted him on the back and started laughing.

“The little nerd insisted. I at least swayed him towards black wings. It looks,  _ natural.  _ He doesn’t even look half bad now.”

“ _ You look just like _ … Uh, what are you doing here?”

“We are staying here with our older brother, Michael. He moved here to be a part of the Cathedral of Saint Joseph. What about you? Your dad leave you here to run off?”

“No, he dumped us here with our uncle Bobby, and we have to stay a while.”   
“Hey kiddies, how about we hang out for tonight? Let’s go hit up the first house.”

I kinda just stood there, confused, and also  _ really  _ excited. Cas grabbed my hand and started pulling me along. My face started feeling really hot, and my hands got all sweaty, even though it was pretty cold outside. I  _ really  _ hope i’m not getting sick, not tonight.

I don’t know how, but before I knew it, we hit all of the houses in a three block radius before it was even dark out.

Our pillow sacks were starting to get  _ really  _ heavy and we have  _ so much  _ candy, so we all walked back to Bobby’s and left our candy on the edge of the yard and decided to go to a park.

Cas was pulling me by the hand again, even though I was right next to him, and he didn’t let go this time. I didn’t mind though, even though my tummy feels weird. 

Then again, I was eating candy as we were trick or treating to save space.

The walk consisted of Gabe trying to teach Sammy how to say his name.

“ _ Gaaaaabrielllllll _ .”

“Don’t you think that is a mouthful for a small child barely able to walk?”

“Yeah, Sammy can barely say my name. Try Gabe, dude.”

“ _ Can you say Gaaaabeee? Gaaaaabe. Gabe.” _

“Hnnn, no. Boooo. Boo.”

“ _ No.  _ Gabe.”

“Bnn, baabe. ”

“You know what? Close enough.”

“Where is this park at?”

“Not far. We may even get there to watch the sunset on the dock.”

“Are there swings?

“ _ Yes. There are swings. _ ”

“What dude? Swings are  _ totally cool.  _ It makes you feel like you’re flying.”

“Really? Why do you like it then,  _ Cassie? _ ”

“Uhh, um, yes. For the same reason. Flying is riveting.”

You could tell that Sammy was getting tired, because he was starting to sway and almost fall over, so Gabe picked him up. 

When we finally got there, the sun was starting to set, so he made us run all the way across the park to the dock.

“What makes this place so special?”

“Well,  _ look. _ ”

The water looked like it absorbed the colors of the sky like a sponge, and the water was all kinds of oranges and yellows and pinks and purples and it looked  _ so cool.  _

I looked over at Cas, but he was looking back at me already. There he goes again with the staring problem. At least he didn’t look confused, this time. I don’t know what exactly he looked, but it wasn’t confused. 

We all sat there together until the colors turned to a dark blue and the stars came out.

Sammy fell asleep on Gabe, so he said that Cas and I could go to the swings for a little bit before we went home.

We walked to the swings in silence, but these swings were creaky, so it wasn’t awkward.

“Hey Dean, are you going to be here for a while?”

“Yeah, I think so. You?”

“Yes, I will be.”

“I think I heard Bobby talking about putting us in school here. Are you going to school?”

“Uh, not as of now, no. But I could.”

“You get to pick?”

“Not exactly.”

“So, since we are both staying, does that mean we get to like,  _ hang out  _ now?”

“Yes, I sure hope so, Dean.” Cas kinda has a nice smile. He has all of his teeth, and his teeth are shiny. I am missing one of my front teeth, but it’s almost back now. 

“You know, you may be a little weird, Cas. But you’re cool.”

“Thanks, I think.”

“Alright, guys, let’s start going back now. I’m exhausted.” I kinda felt bad that he had to carry Sam, but then again, he is the biggest kid here.

“Do you guys maybe want to stay over at Bobby’s?”

“Uh, I don’t know De-”

“That sounds great, man. I’m beat, and I really don’t feel like walking much longer.”   
“Really? I mean, I need to ask Bobby, but he’ll probably say yes. I think.”

“Okay, I suppose.”

When we got back to Bobby’s, we grabbed our bags from the front of the yard and walked up the porch steps.

Bobby was sitting in the study drinking from a bottle, but he hid it under the desk when he saw us walk in.

“Hey boys, uh, wait, who are they? And why are they in my house?”

“Bobby, this is Gabe and Cas. They are  _ totally cool _ , and they went trick or treating with us, and Gabe even carried Sam  _ all the way home.  _ But they are super tired now, so can they sleep here?  _ Pretty please?” _

We all looked at Bobby, trying to smile as big as possible, and you can tell he caved. 

“Fine. As long as it’s okay with your parents.”

“Oh, we asked our brother on the way over here.” Bobby didn’t look like he believed Gabe, but he let it go.

“Alright, now boys. Head on upstairs and don’t stay up too late. And  _ don’t  _ eat all of your candy.”

“ _ Fine.  _ Thanks Bobby.”

We all ran upstairs and immediately started eating our candy after Gabe tucked Sammy in. He started looking through my tapes, and he looked pretty impressed. Cas just looked confused again, so I’m guessing he’s never heard them.

“I’m pretty tired guys, so how’s the sleeping arrangement gonna go?”

I looked around and realized that only two could fit on the bed, meaning that I was probably sleeping on the floor.

“I would say that you and Cas could take the bed cause you’re guests, but Sammy is already sleeping. So which of you want to take the bed with him?”

“DIBS.” Gabe was pretty serious about taking the bed, so I thought it was best not to argue, even though I felt bad that cas had to take the floor with me.

I walked to the closet in the hall and looked for the sleeping bags, but I could only find one. I decided we would just have to share, so I grabbed it, a big blanket, and two pillows.

I opened the sleeping bag up and laid it on the floor, then put the pillows down, and the blanket on top. I was pretty proud, because it looked pretty comfy.

I went and grabbed my walkman and my favorite Beatles tape.

I put it in, and put the headphones on Cas.

It was pretty dark, but I could still see his face, and I think he actually liked it. 

He was smiling again, and it was nice.

He looked at me after the tape finished, but he didn’t take the headphones off.

“I really like that, Dean. That one,  _ Hey jude, don’t be sad, take a sad song…  _ it is my favorite, I think.”

I couldn’t help but smile really big, but I was so  _ proud. _

“Me too, Cas. Me too.”

He looked up at my little angel, and it made me nervous for some reason.

Now that I think about it, this was the first time he didn’t look,  _ alive,  _ in a while.

I didn’t mind though, because I didn’t feel alone tonight. 

I don’t know how long Cas and I talked, and I don’t remember falling asleep, but I remember waking up and seeing Cas was laying on me, and falling right back asleep with a weird feeling in my stomach.

I think I could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, uh, yes no?  
> Did I skip too much?  
> I was thinking about maybe adding a chapter before this about Sam's first birthday.  
> Is there anything I didn't go into detail enough about, or that you would like me to add?  
> I don't know.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is, or why i'm writing it, or if I am going to keep writing it, but here this is, I suppose.


End file.
